Gratitude of tears. Finding solace.

"Dia memang macam tu..."

Aku mengernyih, pincang.

"Dia memang macam tu..?" Ujarku dengan sinis senyum bersabit di bibir, mengumpan.

Tapi hampa.

'Lalu aku bagaimana? Dia memang macam tu, jadi aku macam mana? Just because she's like that, than should I change to facilitate the 'macam tu' of her?

And yet, I rounds on a truth.

I may not be known by almost anyone?

Fact?

It hurts.

Sekali lagi aku panahkan pandanganku pada lantai. Biarlah, bukankah bermuamalah dengan benda tidak bernyawa juga sama dengan berkomunikasi dengan makhluk yang tidak mampu merasa?

Reality bites and truth hurts.

Lebih suka menyimpan diri bersama peristiwa dan ruang yang mampu menerima aku sebagai aku.

Lupa, bahawa bukan hati itu yang perlu aku beratkan.

I've been trough life, this life, my life like, like hm...

For Allah's sake, the tears shade.

Being pessimistic isn't a choice of me, yet, I'm forced to.

Back to the old days, at times which nobody matters that much.

My life depends on me, and so do theirs.

Hurt and get hurt by myself, contemplating the deed and feeling the satisfying sensation of unexpected life.

Been thrown into such horrible circumstances and get into life, back.

Being fun and making fun. Of things and people out of their knowledge.

Being sad and whispering it to the wind of the silent road near the railways.

And coming back the next day, with a new 'me' in myself and new things to do.

Indulgence of own self and satisfied with it.

No matters, no manners.

No tears, no hears.

No hurt.

Am not missing the old me. Just contemplating the past to appreciate the presence.

But indeed, now in vain.

Allah, Allah, Allah, hasbiallahu rabbi.

Thanks world! For letting me into maturing zone earlier than others.

Feeling bad of something that is right for self-sure.

Thanks.

For not knowing me, for not backing me up.

Thanks.

P/S: Dear you my dearest ukht, I know that sooner or later, you may read this, in fact, you are one of constant reader of mine, am sorry of not being frank to the world of ours, yet, me myself is a human, too. It's hurting me, over and over. I've another chance that is to be an angel instead of mankind, in which it is impossible, you know I know. Hence, no more left, the fact has to be faced.

Me: I'm keen of myself in the future than in the presence.

Pingu Cool